*sigh* why does life have to have sorrow. I hate sin, really I do. It makes things so dang complicated, otherwise I would not be sad right now. But I am. Not becasue of sin (though the amount of that in the world is depressing), but becasue life is sometimes so unchangable and the fact that you can't always do what you want to do and what you need to do and what you know you should do. I've struggled so much these last few weeks with leaving for school in the Fall. I know it's what I need to do, I know it's what I should do, but there in nothing in me right now that makes me want to. I really just want to stay here. With my family, with Sarah (yay for best friends), and with this wonderful, amazing new group of friends that I have really just recently gotten to know (thanks to Sarah, again yay for best friends). I've never really had a group of friends before, friends I can feel safe with and just relax with, not having to worry about what bad influences you'll be picking up next. It seems like things are finally coming together, and now I'm leaving, ripping away. I'll be back, but it doesn't seem like it will be the same. Sometimes I wish I could stay home, but then what a waste of all the effort that I have put into going to college. The programs I got into are not open after the freshman year, I will literally never have a chance to do this again. And yet, I still don't want to go. I know this is God's Will for my life, and if I follow Him, He will take care of me and use my life in ways I could never imagine. But sometimes...it's hard to do what He says...especially when it means leaving everything. This makes it all the more real to me the struggle it must have been for the disciples to leave everything behind and follow Jesus.
I can't do everything. I can't stay and go. And right now, I'd much rather stay. If you think of it, please pray for me. That God would give me the courage to follow His Will, when I really don't want to. Thanks.
and sorry for the sad post...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Wow, Karyn...
...I will, most assuredly, pray for you. And sorry for that email about graduation, it must have made it a tad worse.
Oh, I will definitely be praying for you, Karyn!!! I'm so sorry that it's so hard for you to leave!!!!!!! I completely understand. I am sure that you will find great friends at Biola, and you will totally keep in touch with all your friends back home--that's what e-mail, IM, and phones are for. You will certainly learn tons at Biola--I've heard that it's a great university, especially with the Torrey Honors Institute. I know that your friends and family will miss you a lot though! You are such a GREAT person (even though I've never met you, I can tell you are a strong, godly Christian with lots of love for everyone), and I know that God has an amazing plan for your life. I consider it one of God's many blessings that he put us together in the same online class. I will be praying for you, that you meet some great people there and that you will never lose touch with all your friends back home!!!!!!
Hey Karen, I will definitely be praying for you. Having moved from a church where I had a very close, wonderful group of friends I understand something of what you're going through. I would encourage you to remember that if it is His will for you, it is good. He knows what is best for you better than you do, and though it may seem hard at first, He has your good in mind and there are good things in store for you. Also would encourage you to find your sufficiency in Him. All you need is the gospel. What Christ has done for you is beautifully more than enough my friend.
thank you guys so much for your encouragement and prayers. I'm feeling a lot more at peace with all this. I think it could just be a cycle thing, but i dunno. and yes liz, i totally agree with you that Christ is more than enough. Sometimes it's just getting what you know in your head to connect with your spirit and even harder you annoying subjective emotions. so thank you all so much!
mmmm karyn. im glad you are feeling better now, but wow, i almost cried when i read this.
ive been praying for you. :) i know that this is another step, a change, and those are always hard. but they are neccessary, and once you get through the change...you will realize how much God has in store. *sigh* if only it were easier to trust.
Post a Comment