Hey everyone,
So I'm posting to ask for prayer. I've been having a really hard day today. Actually, it started last night, and now it's worse. I think that I've been riding a wave of emotion that has finally crashed. All the stress of school, and moving, and being away and alone has really hit me and it hit hard. On top of that I'm getting sick. I have a headcold that is making me miserable, so much so that all I want to do is climb into bed and read (even Thucydides is sounding good at this point, which is good because that's what I have to read).
Which leads me to also say that it has been so wonderful being in Torrey, I really feel blessed by God to be here, but some of the subject matter that we are covering in these books...I pray before I read it, while I read it, after I read and at times I still feel this deep heartbreak. I grieve for the people who lived under such lies, and to know that these lies are still at work today is heartbreaking. Also, everything I believe is being questioned. The foundations (and may i say, only the foundations) of who I am and what I believe are still firm, but everything else is is crumbling beneath me. I feel this is good, either my beliefs will be shown to be true and they will be rebuild with a stronger foundation or they will be shown false and fall away. It's a good process, but it's so hard. I feel so unstable, so lost at sea. (and I pray there is no albatross flying by my ship).
I have been learning so much here, but lack the time to really explore it throughly. A friend of mine, has been sharing his love of poetry with me and I am truly learning to love it, too. But I just don't have the time to sit and read...it really frustrates me to no end. The same is true with my film classes. I have so many ideas that I want to write down and develop, but I am lost in the chaos of school to find the time to sit write.
So as you can see, I could really use some prayer. Prayer that I would be able to sort through my emotions, prayer that I would get over this cold quickly, prayer that I could read and learn without picking up a spirit of heaviness from these books, prayer that I will find the time I need to accomplish everything, prayer that I will be able to develop the friendships I'm forming here, and most importantly prayer that I would remain steadfast and faithful to staying close to God as my life is being shaken.
So, sorry that this is not a nicer post, but this is how I am right now. Thank you for reading this and caring to get through it. I love you all.
~Karyn
Profile
- Karyn Michelle
- Los Angeles, California
- St. Cyprian - "It is really a bad world, Donatus, an incredibly bad world. Yet in the midst of it I have found a quiet and holy people. They have discovered a joy which is a thousand times better than any pleasures of this sinful life. They are despised and persecuted, but they care not. They have overcome the world. These people, Donatus, are the Christians -- and I am one of them." --and so am I.
12 comments:
It's possible that the stress has eroded your immune system... happens to people here including myself. And of course ALL the stress hits at the same time. Every class has homework due or a test or something, which leads to franticness, which leads to homesickness, which adds, rendering your immune system almost non-existent. You get a cold. Everyone else is just as stressed and gets colds as well. This is EXACTLY what's happening around here. It's sad that it had to happen this soon for you, but you'll get over it.As far as foundations go, growth starts at the bottom. While i don't like going back to the bare minimum personally, sometimes it has to happen, and it's good to have it happen near people with the same beliefs as yourself, wchic is why I personally am waiting until I get back home to rethink anything. Environment makes all the difference. Anyway, you know I'm praying for you
PS oh yeah, never type a paper while you're sleeping. They don't turn out well. This is from experience,I typed a paper, and slept at the the same time. Didn't work well
Of course I will be praying for you, Karyn!! Thanks for letting me know.
Thank you for being so honest, it really helps to know how to pray...and of course, I am praying.
I love you very much and am proud of the way you are pushing through everythng. I have to agree with Zach, writing papers while sleeping never goes well.
karyn, you have a lot of people praying for you, girl. keep holding on and sticking with it.
love you!
I hope you are well. God grant you peace of heart and mind--the calm that is only found in His presence. May we always strive to rest in Him. (I am glad you are starting to like poetry)
"So, sorry that this is not a nicer post, but this is how I am right now."
I do not believe this calls for repentance. How does self-reflection work if you are not honest? I find that in my own times of reflection I commonly write with the intent of producing something that I will later go back and read and find encouragement from. But in doing this I never helped myself. When I do this my problems are still there and they are not surfaced so that I may deal with them. Learning to put yourself our on paper, bare and at times very ugly, I think is an important step in being refined in Christ. This also allows prayer to penetrate to who you are and affect you. Know thy self. You have made a great step towards maturity. Be utterly honest with yourself and others, repent your sin, praise God for sight, and pray for aid in conquering vice. Descend to ascend. God Bless.
"The ministry of prayer has been the peculiar distinction of all of God’s saints. This has been the secret of their power." --E. M. Bounds. I need to read beyond the first few lines, but I liked the fist statement.
"Men ought always to pray, and not to faint" (Luke 18:1).
God Bless It is the Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom. Ask, seek, knock. Our God is not an idle God, and He is not lax or slack to fulfill His promises. He is faithful, infinitely surpassing our faithlessness. Endure in the promises of our Lord knowing that He cannot falsify Himself. Endure in hope, endure in faith. God be with you "He is with you, rather I pray that you may know it" (MacDonald). May the seven virtues of courage (the willingness to do what ought to be done despite significant opposition), practical wisdom (knowing what needs to be done, the time to do it, and how to do it--right reason in action), moderation (to take or behave in neither excessive nor defective amounts or manner in a given situation), justice (to give due in accordance with worth ascribed by God), faith (reasoned belief in things that cannot be known for certain), hope (the anticipation of, and confidence in, the fulfillment of a promise: if He who can does not, it must be better thus), charity (coming to see another as the divine Himself sees them). God Bless.
:( Can I say I know how you feel? The past week, I was in tears almost every morning. I dreaded going to sleep because I didn't want to have to wake up and do more schoolwork.
It will get better though.
Awh, Karyn, I am so sorry! I'm praying for you! =(
that happened to me too. breakdowns suck. :( im praying for you girly!!!
and remember you will get through this...its a passing thing...
i luv you so much!
[oh gosh a wave of missing you just washed over me...aaggghhh karkar!!]
nikki
wait a sec...did i post on this before...? i dont remember doing that...hmm...wierd.
is there another sarah in this world that looks at your blog?
maybe...
or maybe im just losing my mind.
probly the second. :)
it's the other sarah...you're not losing your mind. :D
wait a sec..now it looks like my one post where i signed it "nikki" i didnt know if i did.
but i DO know i did that one.
its the one BEFORE that one that i dont think i did.
so confused i am.
you just like writing on my blog don't you. lol. i love you sarah.
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